Cincinnati Reds

Record: 2-1

The Reds are in town for a three game series, and it’s got to turn out better than how things played out against Snitker’s Snowflakes™, right?

Cristopher Sánchez is scheduled to take on lefty Andrew Abbott in the series opener. For those just tuning in, Sánchez entered last season as a patch on the rotation but after putting up a 125 ERA+ and a 1.047 WHIP earned himself the fifth starter spot. Will his success continue this season? Find out after this commercial break.

On Tuesday, Spencer Turnbull will make his premiere in a Phillies’ uniform after signing a one-year deal in the offseason. Turnbull spent the last five seasons with Detroit and had Tommy John surgery in 2021, missing the ‘22 season entirely. The injuries continued through last season as did his struggles on the mound. The guy hasn’t thrown much in years, so it will be interesting to see if he continues to falter or if he returns to being the hero who threw a no-hitter against the Mariners in 2021.

Wednesday sees Zack Wheeler slated to be back in action again, this time against Frankie Montas. Montas missed all but one inning last season due to surgery to fix a shoulder issue. He pitched six solid shutout innings against the Nats on opening day, giving up only 4 hits and nary a run.

The last time they met

They split a four game series in April of ‘23. The Phils dropped the opener behind Bailey Falter, and were trounced 13-0 in game 3. To be fair, it was a bullpen game and Josh Harrison gave up five of those runs (yes, Josh Harrison; it’s incomprehensible we don’t have Cody Clemens on the roster just to throw on the mound for funsies – the guy struck out Ohtani for [Pete]’s sake). Also, the Reds roster included Joey Votto, who is universally hailed as the Ted Williams of baseball. Amusingly enough, Edmundo Sosa and Jake Cave accounted for three of the team’s five hits in that game. But it was still early in the season when the Phillies found delight by riding losing streaks and playing possum in the NL rankings.

What’s new with this team

The last thing the Reds needed with an overcrowded roster was another infielder, so they added Jeimer Candelario to the infield. They also added some arms with Nick Martinez, Frankie Montas, and Emilio Pagan. Despite supposedly being in the midst of a rebuild, their offseason was about as exciting as a weather forecast for a mostly cloudy day. Rumors flew they would move Jonathon India, but he’s still in a Reds uniform until at least the trade deadline.

And not to beat a dead horse, but what kind of team can they be if they ain’t got a Joey Votto? Trash, I say! Trash!

Also, Elly De La Cruz is buddies with Johan Rojas and they hang together in the off season. Will we see some Savannah Bananas-style shenanigans between these two during this series? No. It’s Major League Baseball. Grow the hell up.

Boo this man

Jeesh. Is there anyone on this team worth booing? Based on their performance up to this point – and who knows, maybe the entire team will have a breakout year – they’re the definition of mid. No heroes, no villains. So let’s boo Spencer Steer. Seems like a nice enough guy, but way too generic looking. If he’s going to show up at CBP he better come in looking like he’s serious about baseball. Grow a Spencer Strider mustache, Spencer. Until you do, you’ll suffer our collective mocking wrath.

As for the good guys (for you in the back, that’s the Phillies)

The Phillies avoided a sweep at home against the Atlanta Aches™ behind an excellent outing by Ranger Suarez (after giving up that first inning walk and dinger), and the bullpen showed up and did what we knew it could do. Wasn’t it nice to see the return of the spring Schwarbomb? Whit Merrifield recorded his first hit as a Phillie, and the 1-7 hitters put the Phillies ahead via good old fashioned small ball and a favorable review at first base.

There are questions about Bryce Harper, who both Rob Thomson and Harper himself report is fine and was scheduled to have a day off only three days into the season due to a truncated Spring Training, and the spill into the camera well on Saturday did not aggravate his back or result in any other injuries. The decision not to start Marsh for two days in a row has also stirred some controversy. It’s expected that his name will appear on this week’s dance cards.

There’s a good chance the Fightin’s take two out of three from the kids from Cincinnati. The Reds are a young team with lots of potential but haven’t quite been able to figure out what shape the core should take. The Phillies, put simply, and despite their performance in the first two games against the Quikrete Creeps™, are a better team. From the lineup to the starting pitchers to the bullpen, the talent is there. If they execute, they can sweep the Reds every time.

If they execute.

Fun bit o’ History

The Reds were founded and named by former premier of the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin. “There is not enough authoritarian communism in baseball,” he said in perfect English. “Let the Reds dominate the capitalist pigs of Western baseball.” After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Reds management disavowed any affiliation to their former Soviet masters and attempted to defend the continued use of the name by claiming that it was never about communism and really about carrying on racist traditions the entire time.

Parting Shot

Smarty has passed the baton to me to occasionally provide you with these series previews. While they will never live up to the bar set by Smarty…yeah, I don’t know how to end that sentence.